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Today's Joke (No.1/1)
Dying on the Job
It has been brought to the attention of the management of this company
that many employees have been dying while on duty for no good reason.
Furthermore, it also appears that some employees are refusing to fall
over after they have died. This, in some cases, has resulted in unearned
overtime payments which are not provided for under our employee benefit
program. Effective immediately, this practice must be discontinued! On
and after today, any employee found sitting up after he/she has died
will be dropped from payroll at once, without further investigation.
This action is covered by Company Regulation #20 (non-productive labor).
When it can be proven that the employee is being held up by a desk,
typewriter, drawing board, telephone, or any other means of support
which is property of the company, a one (1) day period of grace will be
granted. In the event of apparent death, the following procedures will
be strictly adhered to:
1. If, after several hours, it is noted that any employee has not moved
or opened at least one eye, the department head will investigate.
Because of the highly sensitive nature and/or origin of some employees
and because of the close resemblance between death and their normal
working attitude, the investigation will be made quietly as to avoid
waking the employee if he/she is asleep (which is, of course, permitted
under present union contracts).
2. If some doubt still exists as to the true condition of the employee a
paycheck will be used as the final test. If the employee fails to reach
for the check, it is reasonable to assume that death has occurred. Note
that in some cases the instinct is so strongly developed that a spastic
clutching may occur even after death; do not be mislead by this
3. In the event that an employee fails to abandon whatever he/she is
doing at Coffee Break time, no investigation is necessary as this is
conclusive proof that rigor mortis has already set in.
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