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Daily Jokes / Joke of the Day For over a year, DeepLake has been running the Joke of the Day service. Unlike many other sites, we really do update our jokes every day so you get to see the funniest jokes. Keep coming back to DeepLake Daily Jokes to kick-start your day! Good news: The Joke of the Day is back! Thanks for your patience. Today's Joke (No.1/1) Toddler Help Line After a stress-filled breakfast out with my two preschool-aged children, my wife and I decided that our toddler was clearly malfunctioning - the following is the culmination of that observation : A phone rings....... Operator (O) : Good afternoon, Toddler Helpline. How may I help you? Parent (P) : Hello, I am calling about my toddler unit. I have reason to believe that it is malfunctioning. O : Could you please state the nature of the problem? P : State the nature of the problem? You asked for it - my toddler is, as we speak, tied to the ceiling fan! O : Okay sir, please calm down - you don't need to shout. Now, I'm going to need two pieces of information to assist you fully. Number one - do have the boy or the girl unit? P : A boy unit - why? O : Okay, I see - and number two - is your boy toddler unit just TIED to the ceiling fan, or is he actually fooling with the wiring? Oh yes, and one other minor detail - is the ceiling fan turned ON? P : No, he is NOT re-wiring it, the ceiling fan is NOT turned on, and he is tied to the fan! Why does any of that matter? He is TIED TO A CEILING FAN, neither my wife nor I put him there, he is an ONLY UNIT, and the dog lacks the know-how. Obviously, the unit is malfunctioning! O : Listen, sir - I am really sorry, but if you have a boy toddler unit, the fan is OFF, and the wiring is intact, then there is absolutely nothing wrong with your unit - it is functioning up to specs! Aren't these boy models clever? P : Now YOU listen, lady - I spent a lot of money on this model, and you have been NO HELP AT ALL! I want to speak to someone in technical support! O : I'm sorry, sir, but our entire technical support staff is on an assertiveness-training retreat in Death Valley with the Marquis de Sade. P : Sheesh - If you can't help me, then I want to order an instruction manual! O : Sorry, but I can't do that. If you were stupid enough to order a toddler unit, then the instruction manual would be FAR too difficult for you to comprehend! P : Then just tell me where the off switch is! You can do that, can't you? O : Sorry, sir - no can do! Only product development knows where that is, and they're not telling! P : Okay, I want a REFUND - PRONTO!! O : I am truly sorry, sir, but all units are custom-made and totally NON-REFUNDABLE! P : Can I at least exchange it for another model? O : No, but you wouldn't want to anyway. The girl models are just as much trouble, are more expensive to maintain, and the whining - well, let's just say you got off easy with the boy model. You can order a NEW girl unit if you so desire, but I am afraid your boy model is a keeper! P : Great, just GREAT - NOW what am I supposed to do? O : Well, this is just a suggestion, mind you, but if I were YOU, I would get your toddler off the ceiling fan and then call the doctor and make an appointment - for YOU! You sound stressed - stress can kill! P : Yeah, if the diabolical little troll beast doesn't do it to me first! Geez - thanks, Lady - for NOTHING!! O : Glad I could be of assistance. By the way, due to recent budget cutbacks beyond my personal control, the Toddler Helpline is required to charge you $4.99 per minute for this call. Have a nice day, and thank you for calling the Toddler Helpline.
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